As much fun as working in my jammies all day is, putting on a bra and doing my hair makes me like a million times more productive, yo.
I have to make a more conscious effort to frequently remind myself that I am loved, I have friends who care, and not everyone thinks I suck at life.
It’s so easy to get sucked into a void of depression, self-loathing and anxiety.
But at some point, I get tired of being such a fucking downer. I am such a lazy creature that I don’t even have enough emotional stamina to spare to feel anything negative for more than a few weeks before I realize how not worth my time it is.
It’s not that it stops hurting, it’s a dull toothache-y feeling in the pit of my stomach and behind a closed door in my heart. It’s what wakes me up at 3am in a cold sweat. It’s what makes me question everything before I let my guard down with anyone, which I seldom do anymore.
I don’t know. I feel better.
I forgot I had requested five days off next weekend for Anime Expo, when I only plan on going for one day. I guess now I have some time to really get down to business for Comic Con!
I swear if I hadn’t been going swing dancing 2-3 times a week for the past two months I would be like a million times more wound up and anxious. It’s the best possible thing I could have done for myself to (literally!) shake off some of my stress.
Also tonight like three people I’ve danced with before pointed out how I don’t suck as much anymore, so that’s encouraging!
I went for a run, listened to The Beatles, and pet an abnormally loving stray cat.
Later I’m getting my methmobile back, building myself a more permanent crafting corner to keep my new machines up and ready, and attempting to make myself a pair of wings.
This week seems far less bleak than the last one.
This week is actively trying to break down my last shadow of emotional stability.
And it’s succeeding.
My little baby blue is in the shop and I’ll have her back in a week and won’t cost as much as I had dreaded.
And then I had a successful (?) job interview I decided to go to on a whim?
I had a productive day off??
Wait. No. Really?